Exam results and KL trip

Alright this is a bit late since results were out around a week ago. Ha. I must say that since Year 1 sem 2 my CAP has been steadily deceasing. Perhaps it is a reflection of my steadily decreasing stamina in my studies as well. Well, 4 B+ and 1 A. Not lousy but also not spectacular. The arrow-headed letter grade seemed to be more evasive than ever. At least I get it for my gender module this sem, which I am really happy about since I really enjoyed the module. All other grades are kinda expected. But somehow, deep inside there's still a tiny voice that wonders what if I had put in that bit more effort to pull it up to an A-? Oh wells, tiny voice is drowned once Christmas eve arrived and dd and I embark on our unplanned, unprepared trip to KL!



Too bad we don't have a camera so we didn't take many photos, and whatever shots were taken with dd's phone so I don't have them now. Despite of our lack of planning, the trip was still very fun cos its with dd! A few life lessons that can be learned from KL...



1) The effects of corruption on transport planning: All the LRT and train lines are disconnected. To change LRT lines means getting out of the station, walk a few blocks and getting to another station. Bus routes are really messy, and it doesn't really go to where it says it goes. Roads wise is also rather chaotic. Just like today, to get to this shopping centre around 300m away from a LRT station, we had to walk almost 1km cos there was this highway and canal in between. We had to walk 300m to a bridge to cross the highway, and then walk around 700m along the canal to the next nearest bridge to cross the canal. Oh wells. Frustrating as it is sometimes, we are also amazed at how the locals move around in this organized chaos.




2) Singapore is a queerly systematic: The Singapore machine runs so much like clockwork that sometimes we take efficiency and service for granted. In fact, in many cities, KL and HK included, the people have their way of doing things independent of central control. Just at the street where our hotel is, Petaling Street, the fake goods stalls are rampant. The whole street is famous for counterfeit products and regulation is definitely out of the question because so many people's livelihoods are dependent on this industry. There are also some food stalls that the hygiene standards are deplorable but they are still crowded with people.



3) I thought Singapore's pace of life is considerably alright compared to Hong Kong's. But now I know that even in Singapore, our pace is already much faster than in KL. The people there, be it sales staff, service crew, transport, etc, do have a slower speed of doing things. They are not in a hurry to get things done for you, and you as a customer is also not everything. Sure, I had moments of frustration over the long waiting time that I had to endure. But I guess this is only because I'm unable to translate my Singaporean sense of time into theirs.

general updates

Alright so this is almost a month since I last posted. Oh well, this one month sure zoomed pass really quickly. Partly due to the whirlwind of exams, Malaysia trips and the like. Yes. In the last 2 weeks I've been to Malaysia twice. First trip was just a day shopping trip with batchies. Really fun and enjoyable one! Second trip was to Kukup, the fishing village. I guess the main highlight is really the Geminid Meteor shower!! Understanding the Universe is a really useful module. Hahaha.. adds that bit of romance and excitement in our lives. Anyway, I saw 16 shooting stars!! The sky in Kukup is really much darker and denser, making shooting stars easy to spot.

Anyway now i'm back in MCYS to temp. Yay! Love the culture here. Before starting work last thursday, went for 2 courses organized by CDTL in school. One which is really useful is called Active Listening. Another one which is alright is Keeping Your Audience With You. Not bad also, but due to the much shorter duration didn't find it as useful as Active Listening.

I'm finally back to writing songs!! yay.. hahaha. ok. shall end abruptly here.

汤圆糖水

突然心血来潮，想吃汤圆。 向来潮湿闷热的天气最近转凉了，尤其是刚下过雨的黄昏。真想来一碗热腾腾的甜姜汤暖暖胃。小时候在香港，总能在奶奶家吃到很香的汤圆加糖水。糖水的味道有点像番薯糖水，在金黄色的甜蜜中带有淡淡的姜辣。它含蓄地衬托着粘粘滑滑的糯米汤圆，其表露的情感是含蓄而温暖的。再冷的冬夜，也有这碗亲情御寒。

来到这里，我甚少吃到这种汤圆的煮法。外面卖的通常都是伴着厚厚的花生汤、芝麻糊，即粗糙又浮夸。现在想重温童年的冬天，干脆凭味觉的记忆自己煮一回。才发现，原来一点都不难。（对我这个烹饪低手，煮糖水可是我的第一次！）

材料：
两包汤圆 （芝麻和花生陷，各十粒）
两片片糖 （找遍金文泰才找到一家药店有卖！）
－－》这里有片糖的照片和介绍： http://bbs.zdface.com/showtopic-185275.aspx
一小块老姜
几片班兰叶 （Pandan leaf)

老姜切小片。班兰叶要洗干净，因为叶子中间通常藏有很多泥沙。

大概三份一锅的水（没量清楚），再加入姜片和班兰叶，煮致沸腾。然后慢火加入两片片糖。糖都融化了，便可把汤圆放进汤。待糖水再滚，汤圆都浮上来便可关火。

第一次煮汤圆糖水，成功！

填饱肚子之余，心也被送回香港的奶奶家里。味道，始终还是家的温暖。

study week and 2012

This was my table last wednesday, the day before I handed in my last essay for the sem. Its freaking 3500 words long! But I'm happy about it. This sem I chose assignment topics based on my interest more than anything else, and even though I'll still feel the angst, feel that mental rut, feel that I'm running out of time, get lesser than expected results (for one essay), get more than expected results (for another essay), but I'll still be glad I went through that process. Now study week is here, but somehow I'm not that stressed, maybe not yet. haha. I'm really just taking it easy. Hopefully it is because I can handle stress much better now, and not because I care less about studying! haha. But one thing's for sure in this sem, I really enjoy school! And everything I'm learning.

I watched 2012 last thursday. I thought it was an amazing movie, and its not only the effects that are amazing. There were so many moral lessons to be learnt from there. *spoiler alert!* The most fundamental question that I walked away with was, What does it mean to be human? What does humanity, or human civilization really stands for? And there are also other very poignant scenarios, that those who survives ultimately are those elites, and how the powerful can withhold information 'for the sake of the people' but eventually depriving them a chance to survive. Even though the human race is resilient enough to save part of humanity, how does one wants the children to read about the history of mankind? That the new civilization began with selectively determining who survives and killing everyone else in the world? Moreover, this kinda stellar (or solar in our case) radiation outbursts are probably commonplace in the whole universe, yet we experience it as an apocalypse, and scrambles to keep ourselves alive. Our civilization, no matter how powerful, or intelligent or adaptable, are merely a infinitesimal speck in the whole comic evolution. How humbling is that. No other movie has made me think about such broad issues before, not even other disaster movies that also speculate the end of the world. Weiliang wasn't as impressed as me though, although he also agrees with the moral lessons. So I strongly recommend this movie!

More than one friend has told me that The Day After Tomorrow is nicer, or that 2012 is really boring etc. So I went to buy the dvd for TDAT and watch if for myself. The director is actually the same - Roland Emmerich, who also directed Independence Day. I would think that 2012 is still better than TDAT, because the former really struck a moral and emotional chord, while the latter doesn't provoke my thoughts in the same way. Also 2012 has a more global, pan-humanity perspective (though still US-centric), whereas the latter is really confined to the US. I also liked 2012 because I found its scientific reasoning to be more convincing than TDAT. But of course, WL was right that solar radiation would also cook the people on the ground, and not just the lava below earth's crust. But still it is more convincing than the rapid change of thermal currents, which usually doesn't happen such rapidly, and even it if does it should already be predicted by the desalination in the sea. Alright I have not much scientific knowledge under my belt too, but perhaps taking Understanding the Universe does aid me in better understanding 2012. Haha. Gems are quite useful after all.

Interestingly, there are some parallels in both films:

1. Both films start off with the main scientist delivering or discovering a scientific issue in New Delhi.

2. The main lead in TDAT and one of the main leads in 2012 are scientists, signally the faith in science to explain or resolve problems.

3. Both the main scientists encountered initial resistance from someone in the bureaucracy to deliver their message.

4. Both lead characters have a divorced family and have issues with keeping up with promises to the son.

5. The first city that gets struck is LA. Washington seems always to be quite safe in the initial stages of the disaster.

6. Both presidents are depicted as noble, wise and visionary. And they both died in the disaster. The 'bad guy' in the government are always the second man or someone down the line.

Nonetheless, in terms of cinematic flow and maturity of script I do think that Emmerich has grown from TDAT to 2012. Alright. enough of reviewing 2012 and TDAT. hah.

Shout-outs

I'm doing my essay on May Fourth Women Writers now. Gosh. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should have majored in literature instead of history, especially Chinese modern literature. Mr Ng How Wee, Mrs Tan Siew Lan from NYJC, and Dr Xu Lanjun had definitely inspired me much in this area. =) Hope to take some Chinese women's literature mods in Zhejiang next year.

I seem to be suddenly deprived of public attention. Ha. Had been posting more shout-outs on Facebook and Twitter in the last 12 hours than I ever did in the entire last month.

Oh, this is something I shouted out but I still wanna record here.

I'm damn amazed at how freely my brother can just travel! He flew to KL and came back all within the last 24 hours, and all for the fun of it. And I didn't even noticed that he's gone la. Air tickets to him are as cheap as bus tickets I suppose. Shudders.

Essay writing

Why does every essay has to be such a laborious and tedious creation?

I'm still stuck with the intro and with sorting out the confusing, meddling strands of thoughts in my head. Everything seems so very very tightly entangled.

When will my ideological cloth be weaved?

No time

I always complained that I don't have enough time.

No time to visit the links my dad sends me.

No time to do my readings.

No time to meet old friends.

No time to exercise.

No time to fix my keyboard.

No time to do housework.

No time to read books I want to read.

No time to shop.

No time to eat a proper meal.

But yet, I have all the time in the world for my addictions. All the time in the world for facebook, for restaurant city, for visiting interesting websites, for snacking.

What am I avoiding?

Asiaworks

There is no use keeping to the agreement for the sake of it if all I'm doing is just giving the image that I'm keeping up to it. I gave the agreement that I'll not go for the course until I feel that I don't need it already. But the past few days I kept thinking about all the various possibilities if I could go for the course. But know what, those are fantasies. Those are merely my own imagination and there is no use thinking about all the what-ifs. If I am committed to the agreement I would stick with it mentally. That would mean taking away all the fantasies and start living my life in real. What does that mean? This means I will empower myself, develop myself in ways that will benefit me. Wishful thinking will hardly get me anywhere. I need to act.

Anyway, for those who know, I've recently gone through the Asiaworks basic course. I have benefitted immensely from it. A few important lessons I have learnt:

1) Honesty to myself. So many a times I try to keep up an image of myself, but I increasingly lose touch with who I really am and who I really want to be. So honesty to myself and others is the way to increase my self awareness and esteem. Associated with honesty is openness. Am I open to different possibilities? This is something that I need to cultivate.

2) I have so much latent energy within me. I have the power for achieving many things that I want. I just need to will it and believe that it can be tapped on. One way to capitalize on it is to take risks, as I had in the past week. There are so many things in life that I dare not do, people that I dare not confront, issues I dare not face. But how powerful I saw myself when I took the big step to face the truth. There is, however, still one hurdle that I just cannot risk - my relationship. It is important to me. So when what I want is in conflict with my relationship, I still dare not risk it.

3) Commitment and responsibility. Participating 100% at all times and being responsible for my actions and choices really increases my confidence. I noticed how often I victimize myself in so many situations, and how my confidence has been dwindling since. But actually, those are all choices that I made. Knowing that I had a choice, and I could make a choice immediately opens up so much possibilities for myself. Being responsible means that, I made the choice, and so I will accept whatever outcome, including any emotional or mental outcome. Again, it is about choosing how to view my outcome - optimistically or pessimistically? Of course, either way will have great payoffs, it is just what I want.

For example, I can say that I am victimized by schoolwork. I feel helpless against the tide of deadlines, and there is always so much work to do. What do I gain by feeling this way? I gain other people's understanding, sympathy, and I can feel lazy, because all these work are forced upon me. I need not be responsible for the lousy results I get, because 'there were too many deadlines for me to handle'. But what is lost in return? I lose confidence in my ability to handle a huge amount of work. I lose interest in my studies, and I don't get the results I want. If I just change the perspective, I'll accept fully that I chose to study, I chose the modules, I chose to commit myself to the CCAs, and I chose to procrastinate till the last minute when all the deadlines are coming. So I am responsible for myself. I really cannot blame the external circumstances, but myself. With that understanding, I feel more urgent to take action now, for my assignments and my deadlines. And when I accomplish them, I know it is really up to me to make the difference. Confidence increases, and I feel more fulfilled and interested in life.

4) There are some things that I did not get out of this course as well. It is not the course, but I admit that I haven't been reflecting deeply enough. In some ways, the past few days felt quite surreal. Even though the course emphasized that everything we go through in there is also a part of life, it cannot be denied that the environment there is a created one, so that I can feel safe to take risks, feel secure to share. I am a person who likes to live in my fantasies and imagination, and so I fit right in. But after I came out and start to interact with real people, including WL, the reaction they(mainly he) gave me was, "you're brainwashed, you're obsessed". I could not adapt readily into the real life I was living, such that it created very negative results in terms of my relationship. Ironically, one of my purposes for going for the course was to improve my relationship with WL, but after I came out, we had a major quarrel, so major that he brought up break up. He felt that he became less important after I committed to the course, and I am so caught up with the course that I failed to consider other people's feelings.

At that point, I admit that I was caught up in the mentality that I just want to get what I want, and if this is not getting to where I wanna go, I rather let go. At that point, I wanted to improve myself through the course, and he was 'getting in the way'. I actually didn't feel anything even when he wanted break up. Even though I knew what I wanted, I also knew I didn't want to break up. Hence the conflict in what I wanted came in. It was until he repeated stressed that, "You don't know how serious is this. I brought up break up and yet you didn't feel anything", that I was suddenly aware that I didn't feel anything. And I was also suddenly aware that, in pursuing what I want, I really failed to respect what other people wanted, and even though he was important to me, I didn't care about how he felt.

Actually thinking back, I have this thought. I may be wrong, and so I'll not let this thought confine my actions and affection for him. He is actually very insecure about this relationship. Time and again, I see that happening. Many a times, the result is that he'll get really angry for some of the things I do or didn't do, and in a very emotionally violent way, try to get me to change. When I didn't he also got less security cos he saw my lack of change as a sign that he is not important. A few times already, he defiantly expressed his distrust in me, and they are evident in his actions (less willing to look at me, less affection). I want him to understand that wanting me to change might be a form of wanting to control. I may have triggered his anger, but his anger is entirely his, cos another person experiencing the same action from me might not get so angry. As long as he owns his emotions, he may realize that actually, a relationship is not just about interaction between two people, it is very much about individual reactions too. How he reacts to me, and his experience of me is not necessarily really me. But if he believes that I am what he sees, his road in this relationship is a self-defeating one. Cos in his mind, I am the person that he cannot trust, and no matter what I do, he'll only pick out the evidence to support his mental image of me. But who he is really not trusting is himself.

Of course, I am also responsible, since I had always avoided the issue by issuing a quick apology and hoping that things will solve themselves. So I had let certain issues snowballed, and the bigger it got, the more fearful I got about dealing with them. I was so afraid of him getting angry, and this in turns feeds my insecurities about myself. It is a viscious cycle actually, cos the more I avoided, the less confident I got, and I began to form belief that I was incompetent to change. With that strong belief that I could never change, I never did. Of course this led to the more times that he gets angry with me, and I avoid, etc etc. And I am also responsible for creating my untrustworthy image in his head. What I can do, is to be trustworthy. Give him enough evidence to let him see the side of me that can keep to agreements, that can negotiate, that is self assured and confident. And let him see that his faith in this relationship might possibly be undermined by the preconceived notion of me being untrustworthy.

I agree that many of the things I just discussed are things that many people already understand, just it may seem easier said than done. That's why I felt that the course was so valuable. It was intense, but for a good reason. Many people, including me, need this intensity to be truly aware and kickstart the action required to right the course of life. So to the criticism out there that says that it is brainwashing, MLM etc, well, it all depends on how you choose to see it, and of course different people benefit from it differently. Some might not even benefit from this, but for me, personally, my perspectives are much widened now.

Okay. Time to commit to my assignments.

power

I realized that I have no power at all. Any last vestiges of my dignity, self-respect, and confidence is torn away because I am powerless to react. Yes, your opinions are always right, and my feelings always too irrational, too unimportant to be considered. You are always right no matter how temperamental or how impulsive you are. You are always right despite purposefully hurting me. I am just a pawn to the life that you want. I have no individuality to speak of. Worse part of it? I chose to grant you this power to deny me by giving up my own. I thought it would make both of us happy, but no. I am not happy.

I guess I'm so used to giving up myself that now I truly believe in my powerlessness. No one chose this path but myself, and you shall watch my demise with a cold eye. What a wonderful backdrop to the course I am yet to attend - to empower myself.

目送

你的背影是座山，是我心灵的依偎。

你的背影是月亮，是我黑暗中的光。

你的背影是恒星，是我航行的指南。

可你的背影是道墙，我的思念无法翻越。

可你的背影是个锁，我的依恋无法打开。

可你的背影是阵风，我的牵挂无法跟上。

目送你的离开，直到你的背影消失，

我忽然感伤。

在长长的道路上，你不曾回头看。

NTU libraries

In the midst of doing my book review for minorities in SEA, I must say how very happy I am with the NTU libraries.

In fact, I'm in the Humanities and Social Science Library now. Well, there are at least 3 things that NTU libraries really win over NUS.

1) Entrance into NTU libraries doesn't require any access card. This is the kind of academic freedom and sharing of information that really empowers the knowledge-seeker, or just someone looking for a change in study environment.

2) There are so many books that cannot be loaned out in NUS, whereas they are available for loan in NTU. The 2 books that I'm required to review are either in the NUS library RBR (2-hour loan, which really amounts to nothing but time for photocopying wholesale), or not loanable. This is really quite frustrating because I have to read the entire book, and I want to read it whenever I can - waiting for the bus, on the train, before I sleep, etc. So being able to borrow the books out is fantastic. I can't wait to explore the rest of the library collections here!

3) Well, true to its name, Nanyang Technological University, there are power points at almost every desk! In this time and age when every student is armed with a laptop, power points are a necessity, not a luxury. But finding a power point in NUS is akin to reaching a oasis in the middle of a desert, Amen. Afterwards, you guard it with your life, or have to bring out the ultimate multi-plug adapter to share this precious spring of electricity. NUS should upgrade their wiring and power connections, really.

Oh wells. Time to get back to studies!

寂寞

我越来越觉得，在音乐的道路上，我是寂寞的。歌谣的朋友是很多，跟他们在一起是非常开心的事，但，不知道是自己把心封闭起来了，还是我们除了音乐没有其它共同点，总觉得没办法和他们谈心，聊一些内心最憔悴，最感性的话题。那夜，看见许多情侣公然示爱，乐手、歌手的好友都纷纷到来支持、献花，场面非常温馨。这些支持者都是歌谣演出的常客。几乎每次都会看到同一些观众。歌手乐手的才华和努力得到爱人好友的认可，我是为他们感到高兴的。

隔夜，跟一群好友出外。我跟他们聊起了以前的一位朋友，现在上电视，有机会当职业音乐人了。我为他感到兴奋，因为他一直以来的音乐路程走得不易，而且他是很努力，很有才华的。但朋友们都没答上，只是继续玩牌。其中一个我最在乎的说，“若你没发现，除了你，没人感到兴奋。你仰慕他是因为你们都是玩音乐的，但我们都不是玩音乐的。” 在那刹那，我突然感到好寂寞。玩得再好，玩得再有兴趣，那又怎样？到最后，观众席上是不会有人为你喝彩，不会有人为你献花。写过的歌，篇过的曲，也只是自得其乐，孤芳自赏。你真正在乎的人，也许偶尔会赏脸看你一两次演出。但毕竟兴趣不同，我是没办发跟他们分享我在音乐道路上有过的喜怒哀乐。

然而，在其它方面，这些朋友都是我精神的支柱。唉，人生总不能什么都得到的吧。也别强求什么了。

Enlightened in some ways and Confused in others

The conversation last friday left me truly enriched. I haven't felt this for so long - the intellectual stimulation from a meaningful discussion. Somehow, readings and tutorial discussions can never give me the same amount of satisfaction. Perhaps because they are too impersonal. In any case, I'm glad I went for the Erika Tan and Tan Pin Pin exhibition talk on friday event with wee keat. The exhibition is one thing, but the discussion after that with wk is amazing. For so long I was questioning the fundamentals of history - why is it different from other disciplines? What exactly is the historical method? Why do so many people say that history gives a strong analytical grounding? etc etc.. Finally, wk gave me some very concise and clear answers. They are by no means the only answers, but it is good start.

Do check out his blog.

Unfortunately, things aren't looking as rosey in other aspects of life. But I know that it is up to me to do anything. And I hope I do mean it this time, to gain back the trust.

Recently I've also signed up for a course. Don't really know how to describe it except to say that it is about personal development. It is really quite expensive, and I'm paying for it myself (at least for the first part of it, cos that's all I can afford). Oh wells. As I grow older, I feel that I'm losing the drive I once had in JC. Now, I feel so unmotivated to do a lot of things. My ideals remain, but the energy to act upon them seems to be slowly fading. Don't really know what I want now, and what would it takes for me to work for it. Ennui is the word, perhaps.

"Mr Tong, I have been seriously thinking about some of the things that you said last saturday. Needless to say, I was disturbed, and I can only be if what you said has an element of truth (albiet not a pretty one). More so, I was disturbed that I can be so easily shakened, that my so-called 'beliefs' can be so easily challenged and there is no line of defense I can make to attest the strength of my identity. You are right that I probably knew myself better 2 years ago. At least then, no matter how naive or idealistic my beliefs can be, they were strong and I stood by it. Now, it feels as if my identity is increasinly a scaldfold - shaky, superficial and unreal. You made me realise that it is a scaldfold, and now I'm more fearful to find out if there's anything concrete behind it at all. And because of that, I want to go for the course that you mentioned. To understand myself better, to face the 'real me' better. Am I going in with the right reasons and mentality?"

He answered yes. And thats why I'm more determined to go now. I've met Cynthia to sign the forms, and generally just to meet this fabulous lady. Haha. Wells, at some point I felt like crying, especially when she was telling me what Mr Tong said about me. "He said that you were one of his students, and you spoke out, you had a lot of drive, had ideals. But somehow, after 2 years of university, you became more and more jaded. So what are you jaded about?" I didn't realize that this was what I seem. I was literally lost for words. I feel jaded, but by what, and why? Am i losing the sparkle I had??

Taking the oath

Guess what I did the past hour?

Photoshop-ping my passport photo! lol. Here's the before:

And the after:

Actually, there's not a lot of difference except for the stray hair and the background. Haha. See I'm not hiao to the extend of adjusting every part of my face, unlike xiaxue.

I'm doing this cos I need to renew my passport soon. I did my oath of renunciation today. This is something that every child of immigrant citizens have to do when they turn 21, cos when we were admitted as citizens, we are still underaged and deemed not to be able to make independent decisions. So now that we're 21, we need to affirm our citizenship. Well, the whole process was pretty mechanical. Nothing too symbolic about it. The girl behind me even wore singlet, denim skirt and slippers for her oath taking. lol.

But if you ask me where my true allegiance lies, I can't say for sure that it is for Singapore. During my internship with MCYS, part of my work deals with policies for foreigner integration, and we often have to meet with these foreigner associations and the new immigrants. And I always can't help it but to reflect upon myself the very issues that affect our subjects. What is my identity?

And this quote always comes up in my mind:

Wandering between two worlds, one dead, The other powerless to be born.' - Matthew Arnold

Alright, I am exaggerating if I say that I feel this way. But the wandering between two worlds part is definitely true. My national identity is definitely not as strong as my local friends, and even up till today, there are still certain aspects of life which some consider to be 'truly Singaporean' that I am unaware of, or disapprove of. For example, I don't know what is Bah Chor Mee (Minced Pork Noodles) or Bah Kwa (Barbequed Pork Slice) until I entered JC. I don't know the meanings of many common hokkien words, and there are still many traditional chinese practices (performed only in Singapore) that I am oblivious to. I always feel that I am somewhat apart from the culture here, but yet for many years I am able to navigate around this society and the mindsets of Singaporeans. How Singaporean am I, when I rose up my right hand this morning to recite, "I solemnly swear that I bear true Allegiance to the Republic of Singapore"?

And yet, I can tell others that I come from Hong Kong, but actually know as little about it as an informed tourist looking from the outside. True enough, my parents often impart in me cultural values and habits which had formed in them in Hong Kong. I go back once a year to visit, and I am comfortable, even find it pleasurable to be in the vibrant city. But yet, my understanding of this place will never be as strong as my cousins.

When people say that they have no loyalty for Singapore, that is simply because they have no point of comparison. Try staying abroad for a good 5-10 years and say that again. As for me, although I won't say I'm not loyal to Singapore, the feeling is always somewhat distanced by my affection for Hong Kong as well. Eventually, perhaps the best way out is to stay where I am now, somewhat in, but somewhat out. In that way, I can always view both cultures with an eye for objectivity, and learn to live with the ambiguities of life.

Anyway, yesterday, my mom and I calculated my total income from my first job (Raffles City banquet) in 2007 till now. And I am damn amazed by how much I earn....

$13,662!!!!

OMG.. can't believe it man. I've actually earned so much within 2 years plus. That's an average of $455 a month from February 2007 till August 2009. Considering that I am a full time student most of the time, that is pretty impressive. Haha. That's thanks to the many tuition jobs, and working at SPH. But at the same time my tuition loan keeps rolling.. and my bank account is like one-sixth of the amount which really goes a lot to show my spending rates. Oh wells, so I'm still no way near enterprising.

Speaking of which, I did a quick career test thingy with Evonne and Sze Ying today. Bascially we had to tick the boxes which describe what we like (for eg, working in teams, helping people, caring for animals etc), and each box belong to a category like Artistic, Social, Conventional, Investigative, Enterprising etc. And I have no boxes ticked under the category of Enterprising. Lol..

Bah gotta go do my gender critique assignment now. Sheesh. Don't know where to start man.

New Beginnings!

I use to rack my brains over every single word I write in my blog. I'm always over-cautious about the image that I build for myeslf, and too meticulous over expressing the details of my life. But well, I guess this isn't healthy. So I'm jumping ship from Diaryland (which has been part of my life for 6 years now) and starting afresh here!

Anyways, speaking of fresh, I just got my loot from sg.bestbuy-world.com today! It is an online store which has a wide range of beauty products and samples with unbelievable prices.

Here's what I've got from them:

1. Anna Sui Live Your Dream EDT (50ml) - $48

2. Diesel Fuel For Life Use With Caution EDP (7ml) - $9

3. Clinique All About Eyes (7mlx2) - $22

It is my first time buying from a online store and I must say that the service and products are amazing! They almost deliver to your doorstep the next business day, and the best thing is that it is cash on delivery, which is great for a card-less person like moi.

Believe it or not, it is also my first time purchasing perfume. Yes. I am 21 years old, female, and today I officially own my first(and second. hah, but that's just sample size) bottle of perfume. Why the delay? Well, perfumes aren't cheap for students who live on meagre allowance. But since I've worked hard during my internship and earned some extra pocket money, this is a treat I give to myself. =)

Anna Sui Live Your Dreams EDT

Just a quick review of my loot. I chose Anna Sui as my first bottle of perfume because I have tested it countless times in Sasa, in department stores, in DFS, and I loved their scents! Especially for the original Anna Sui and Dolly Girl Version. But I could never make up my mind to buy it because of its price tag (Yes, even $70 was considered expensive for me last time!). Now that I got the chance to buy it cheap online, I jumped at it.

So what's my evaluation? It is very sweet, with a refreshing lingering scent (Blah as you can see I'm no professional). Although somehow it evolves into this rather stingy note (I don't know if it is just me), which may be a little unpleasant. Nonetheless, after the sharpness wears off (after around 5 minutes), what stays behind is a warm and candy-floss-like sweetness, which is really girly and perfect for summer.

Diesel Fuel For Life Use With Caution - EDP (for female)

As for the Diesel one, I am definitely impressed. This is a scent with attitude. The initial bursts were very spicy, and almost menthol-like. It also has a slight tinge of cologne, which really adds character and edge to the smell. In fact, it was so powerful that I almost could not smell the Anna Sui scent on my right hand after sparying on Diesel on my left. This is something I would definitely wear on nights out.

Clinique All About Eyes Eye Cream

Well, as for the eye cream, you'd probably guessed it. It is my first bottle of eye cream too. (Thats many firsts today!) I've just tested it so the results won't be that quick. On a side note, I've accidentally rubbed some of the eye cream into my right eye, and now it is stinging a little. Nothing too painful, just irritating. But of course, I can't complain since this is really a silly mistake on my part. Hah.

Well, gotta start on my tutorials and readings!